A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.
The audience was different each week so he did same tricks
over and over.
The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and
began to understand how the magician did every trick.
He started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's
not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the
table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?' The
magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he
could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the
magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the
They glared at each other but said nothing. Finally, after a
week, the parrot said: 'OK, I give up. Where's the ship?'
The European Union commissioners have announced that
agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred
language for European communications, rather than German,
which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government agreed
that English spelling needed to be improved and has accepted
a five-year phased plan for what will be known as
EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'.
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with
happiness. Also, the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k.'
Hopefullly, this will this klear up konfusion.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year,
when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will
make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan
be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal
of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and they would
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from
vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find
it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.