A man is driving through Liverpool when he see's a sign in front of an old house saying: 'Talking Dog For Sale'
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
He goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
"can you talk?" he asks, "yes, of course" the Lab replies.
After the man recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "When I discovered that I could talk I was very young. I wanted to help the government so I told the British Secret Service. In no time at all they had me working for MI6 and flying from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one thought a dog would be listening and understanding.
“I was their most valuable spy for eight years, but the travelling around really tired me out and as I wasn't getting any younger I decided to settle down. I left MI6 and got a job at Heathrow doing undercover security. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded lots of medals. Then I got married, had puppies and now I’m retired."
The man is amazed by all this and goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten pounds" says the owner.
"Ten pounds!" says the man, "This dog is amazing, why do you only want ten pounds?"
"Because he's a bloody liar" said the owner, "he's never been out of the backyard!"

One day Pepito and his girlfriend were walking down the street when they came across a penguin.
"What a surprise!" said Pepito. "What shall we do with it?"
"I know," said his girlfriend. "We'll ask a policeman."
So they found a policeman and explained what had happened.
"Let me think," said the policeman. "I think the best thing is to take it to the zoo."
"What a good idea!" said Pepito. "We'll go there straight away."
The next morning the policeman was walking down the same street when he saw the couple again with the penguin.
"I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo," the policeman said.
"Well, we did," said Pepito "We took it to the zoo and we all had a really good time. So this afternoon we're taking it to the cinema, and then we're all going out for a fish dinner."
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