A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband walking around with a fly swatter (*matamoscas).
"What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting flies", He replied.
"Oh really!, Have you killed any?", She asked.
"Yes, 3 males and 2 females", he replied.
Curious, she asked. "How do you know if they're male or female?"
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone".


50 Quid (50 quid = 50 pounds sterling)

Bill Reeves and his wife Doris were from Hackney, East London.
Every year they went to the Farnborough Air Show, and every year Bill said "You know Doris, I'd love to go for a ride in that small airplane". And every year Doris would say, "I know, Bill, but that airplane ride costs 50 quid, and 50 quid is 50 quid".
So Fred says, "Doris, I'm 71 years old, if I don't go this time I may never go".
Doris replies, "Bill, that airplane ride is 50 quid..... and 50 quid is 50 quid".
One year the pilot hears them talking and says, "I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's 50 quid".
They agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard; he does it one more time, still nothing... so he lands.
He turns to Bill as they come to a stop and says, "That was amazing! I did everything I could think of to make you shout out, but you didn't!"
And Bill replies, "Well, I was gonna say something when Doris fell out... but 50 quid is 50 quid!".

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